The Blinding Light

In the calm of night I tread carelessly, my hollow eyes gazing towards the other side,
My mind filled with random happenings, stealing my focus away from reality;
Without thought or better judgment I step onto the dark pathway, intent on finding
Myself on greener pastures, without concern for what perils this journey may entail.

Halfway to my destination I am jolted out of my hazy dream world by the angry blaring of a giant menacing apparition that charges angrily towards me,
Its evil eyes stun me with a blinding light that paralyzes my body right where it stands;
Time suddenly drags to a crawl, and my eyes burn as the light pierces the orifices of my face and roots itself into the deepest recesses of my mind, causing me to see visions:

‘A young boy is riding a bicycle, excited, his father ably at his side to hold him should he waver;
And the child peddles his chariot gaily until he turns around to realize that his guardian has quietly let go and is looking on hopefully;
And the chariot sways and flirts with gravity’s pull but doesn’t fall over in a heap like the many times before;
The boy, with a new-found bravery, summons all of his strength and steadies himself until he is perfectly balanced, and peddles on, the wheels eating up the roadway and leaving a trail of dust in his wake. And the father smiles proudly.’

‘The women weep incessantly as the solemn-faced young men tote the casket above their heads in the pouring April rain;
They lay the casket down into the pyre, and stand back as the holy man performs the last rites.
The son looks towards the body of his mother, and his brain cannot process the many emotions that inundate his heart:
Anger, sadness, fear, confusion and sorrow; he stands there staring blankly at the pyre, detached from the moment and oblivious to the sobbing of his family and friends around him.
He remembers how she used to sing to him when he was little, the sweet lullaby about the brave little drummer boy:
“Drumming, drumming, drumming, while the enemy kept on coming, drumming, drumming, drumming, unafraid he held his ground, drumming, drumming, drumming, while the enemy kept on coming, drumming while the shots and shells were bursting around”.
As the final rites are completed and the pyre set ablaze, the son watches his mother’s body burst into brilliant flames, and he hears the cracking of her bones as they are swallowed by the heat; he can no longer contain his emotion, and he begins to bawl, like a baby.’

‘He looks into her eyes; they are as limpid pools of heavenly water that glisten in the moonlight.
Her hair blows lightly in the cool summer breeze, and her glowing countenance gives her a surreal aura of angelic beauty that imprisons his gaze and melts his heart.
Without taking his eyes off of her he leans in, towards her ear, and he feels her warm breath tickle his neck; a ripple of pleasure rolls downs his spine.
And into her ear he whispers the summary of his heart’s contents; “I love you.”
She smiles, smitten by his words and his charm and his wit and his body and his love,
And they kiss; he savors the sweetness of her lips and in his mind he wishes that this perfect moment will linger on like an unbroken chorus, for he never wants it to end.’

The visions subside as the blinding light comes closer and closer, preparing to engulf my entire existence as I stand there, my legs hopelessly frozen.
In the moments before I am consumed by this light, I am able at last to be mindful of my surroundings:

Beneath the angry roar I hear a man's panicked scream; the smell of burning rubber infiltrates my nostrils and churns my insides, and the bright glaring eyes converge to become a giant wave of illumination that careens towards me;
My heart stops as this wall of brightness reaches me, and I cry out in a split second of sheer anguish.....and then, as suddenly as the blinding light had appeared out of nowhere, it disappears. And there is silence. And darkness.

I open my eyes, but see nothing, as there is only darkness; I hear nothing, as there is only silence.
I feel as I am floating; no pain, no panic, just an eerie emptiness as my consciousness slowly returns.
There, in the distance, the light reappears; yet, this time, it does not overwhelm me as before….
It begins as a gentle glimmer, and as the heavenly glow grows slowly brighter, the beams of light stretch out as arms, and pull me in towards them.
For a second time my body is about to be engulfed by a mysterious light, and sentiment swiftly returns to me;
But it is neither fear, nor panic, nor confusion, nor even wonder or nostalgia, but a strange feeling of peaceful contentment and happiness,
Of piety, of safety and of serenity.
As I am drawn towards this brilliant lucent hole, I embrace the light, and it embraces me.


-mattieu dominic-