Why Nicaraguan Monkeys end Up in El Salvador- an essay

(for Jessica, Falyah and Daniel)

The plight of the Nicaraguan primate is one of extreme political importance, as it highlights the vast challenges faced by primates due to oppressive forces in these areas (which invariably stem from the actions of Babylon).

Two species of monkey, the Mantled Howler Monkey and the Nicaraguan Spider Monkey, in particular face societal pressures which drive them out of their native land and into the roadsides of El Salvador.

The luscious and rich Nicaraguan bananas are a favorite of these two species, and was the motivation for their ancestors to leave the jungles of the Congo 1000 years ago on boats made of reeds and mountain goat skin, in search of the native lands of these delectable fruits. Once in Central America, the species thrived and created a legacy of banana peels and thrown feces that reverberates through modern pop culture. The Nicaraguan monkeys saw their heydays in the 16th century during the Spanish occupation of the country, when it was head of the Viceroyality of New Spain. In these times, monkeys could be seen adorning the shoulders of curious conquistadors who kept the monkeys and introduced them to vices like tobacco, rum and Nintendo Wii.

However, history and politics were not kind to the poor Nicaraguan monkeys :(
The advancement of directed democracy as a guise for structural communistic rule saw a reduction in the quantities of rich bananas these monkeys could consume. This imposition was seen as a gross a blow to monkeylistic national pride and an insult to Nicaraguan Monkey-hood. Tensions arose and spurred conflicts such as the Great Nicaraguan Banana Wars of the early 1900s, as well as the One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana- War of 2000. Spirited but ultimately no match for modern nuclear warfare, the Nicaraguan monkeys were driven out of Nicaragua and forced to seek refuge in nearby Guatemala.

Guatemala however did not bring an end to the troubles for the Nicaraguan monkeys. In Guatemala, querilla gangs ambushed and robbed the monkeys of their monkey juice. In addition, the monkeys suffered from substance abuse due to excessive intoxication of Guatemalan chewing gum sap and bush rum. Faced with increasing social unrest and insecurity, the younger generation decided to exit Guatemala.

After failed attempts to settle in Honduras and Costa Rica, the monkeys turned to the peaceful land of El Salvador. Here, despite settling for a slightly lower quality of bananas and banana related products, the Nicaraguan monkeys now have a safe and loving homeland :)

References:

Tan, Orangutan (2009),"A History of Primates", MunkyBiznes Press

Simian, Iyma (2008), "Monkey Social Issues", Journal of Primate Studies

Dreadclart, Iris Selassie Baba (2007), "Pressures of D Babylon- Fyah Bun Dem Bloodclart", Rastaman Vibrations 23