Matters of the Heart part one- the "L" word

I will not pretend or purport to have any comprehensive understanding of "love" and what it means to "love" someone in a romantic way. Throughout the anals of time, the concept of "love" has been addressed by scholars, thinkers, religious leaders, sages, artists, ballad-writers. composers, poets and philosophers alike, and after examining these perspectives, I am certain that one conclusion can be reached: there is no real perspective that can fully explain "love" and the behaviours it induces in human beings when they are under its spell. What, then, is the point of this post? ...(I will tell you :P). I have put many hours of thought into the "love" dilemma, and many questions have arisen. Is there really such a thing as "love at first sight" ? Is it possible to "love" more than one person at the same time ? Can one "fall out of love" with another? Indeed, definite answers to these questions may not even exist, but what I propose to offer, my dear friends, is a compilation of insights which I know might not give any clearer a notion of what "love" is all about, but which (I hope) may serve to help us all to cope with this strange and complex human emotion. By examining these insights, I wish to point out some characteristics which, in my humble opinion, do, and DO NOT, constitute "love".

Let's start with this. I am a hopeless romantic by nature, and so I definitely believe in love at first sight. I also believe that love at first sight is a rare occurence, and that many people mistakenly classify many situations as instances of "love at first sight". Infatuation is a temporary state of aphrodesia, in which one person may become totally engrossed with another. Countless times such feelings of infatuation are erroneously taken to be "love". I have even heard someone mention "temporary" love. But in order to try to understand love, we must first give it some sort of parameters, or else every single emotion could well be designated to be "love". An important characteristic of love, in my estimation, is permanence. With infatuation, a person may be totally obsessed with another person...but this usually does not last. Think of that girl/guy who you thought the world of, for a time, and couldn't get enough of.....and how ridiculous you feel now in retrospect at your behaviour, because you know that it was a rush of hormonal anxiety that caused you to act like a love sick puppy in the first place. Real love can be seen when those initial overwhelming feelings subside, and you still find yourself caring deeply for that particular someone. In so saying, I also believe that it is nearly impossible to fall out of love with someone. The human heart (taken literally by the romantic, or as a metaphor for the 'human emotional condition' by the more scientific) is like a stone slate. Strong emotions such as pain and love are like carvings on that slate; they are permanent. Yes, it is possible to sand away the etchings until they can barely be noticed, but really they cannot be erased. So someone you love can do something so bad to make you forget the impression they had made on you, but down the road, if you come across something that reminds you of the reason you used to care so deeply about that person in the first place, you will tend to feel nostalgic, and dare I even say, mushy. When we love a person, it is usually certain characterisitics of that person that cause us to feel that way about them. It could be for a variety of things, from compassion and intelligence, to an attractive body, to the way someone speaks that pushes the right buttons. Thus the only way to really fall out of love with someone is to realize that the reason that we loved them in the first place was a misconception, some terrible anti-climax that serves to suck the magic right out of the relation.

Is it possible to love two people at the same time? This proposition I will address in my next post (Matters of the Heart part two). From a combination of my own experiences and from very my keen observation of the situations of countless other people, I have derived several other characteristics of love. Love isn't always manifest by elaborate romantic speeches or actions of grandeur. Sometimes, the simplest act can illustrate how much a person loves another, such as remembering the little sentimental things, or saying something in the right way at the right time that touches the heart in a special way. In addition, there is not always a definite reason for loving another person. Sometimes the way a person makes you feel is enough to make you love them. I also think that, in most cases, it takes time to genuinely love a person. Oftentimes love is not simply a feeling that floods our hearts and overwhelms us with splendour and joy. Indeed, love is sometimes the result of long histories of good and bad experiences; not whimsical follies but rock-solid foundations of human relation forged by dedication, patience and endurance. Love is something that can be learned, and that can be nurtured so that it may grow from a something simple, such as a childhood crush, to something significant and meaningful, as a long and prosperous marriage. Love usually overcomes boundaries such as race, class, gender and culture. In addition, while love can definitely be fostered, it can also be something which we have no control over. Sometimes, love just happens, for no apparent reason; it comes out of nowhere and hits us in the heart.

But perhaps the most important thing to recognize about love is that it isn't perfect. Love can sometimes be a fairy tale with a happy ending, and othertimes, love is often quite cynical, ironic and tragic. Indeed, the best way to (attempt to) understand love is by recognizing that love is perhaps the most fundamental of human emotions, and as human beings are inherently imperfect, so too is this strange enigma that lingers with us all through our lives. The 'L'word.

What do you think ?